SkyligHt

2006-03-18T03:11:00.000+08:00

2006-02-19T00:44:00.000+08:00

Johari Window

http://kevan.org/johari?name=pofun

2006-02-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

Not writing anymore. Go away.

2006-01-06T12:52:00.000+08:00

Tis' hols.

Tis' hols I feel neglected and worned.

Tis' hols, there wasn't a trip anywhere.
I stayed home making christmas cards and cookiemen while waiting for the bf to return from Taiwan.
Tis' hols, Anat group had an ECP outing few bothered to attend.
No longer happy lunch hours bonding over silly jokes.
Tis' hols, I have yet to see the christmas lighting down orchard.
No one thinks they're worth the trip.
Tis' hols, I did not get to watch Narnia.
I got tossed around like an unwanted rag doll.
Tis' hols, the bf's too busy with everything else.
We had few decent dates.
Tis' hols, silly me kept waiting in vain.
I ain't going to do the same again.
Tis' hols, CAs are held first day of school.
Everyone's holed up at home mugging day after day.

And the only redeeming factors..

Tis' hols, someone bothered to ask if my migraine was getting better.
It felt nice and warm to know someone cares.
Tis' hols, I was down at the esplanade new year eve.
Fireworks make happy pretty things.

2005-12-27T02:15:00.000+08:00

And more bicrob.

Spotted these on Jess' blog after a late night mugging session. Here's from Wisconsin-Madison =)

28. Oh my God! While at a weekend dog show in Virginia your prized French Poodle named Curt is found to have several blood-filled ticks on its cute little belly! It gets worse! Next you find several of the same kind of ticks under your own armpits! What disease have you possibly acquired because the ticks fed on your precious body humors (in this case, your blood)? (Choose BEST answer)
A Wauwautosa Walking Pneumonia
B. Milwaukee Mange
C. Pewaukee Piles
D. Reedsburg Rheumatism
E. Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever

29. After returning from the ill-fated dog show (Curt was disqualified for inappropriate behavior with a Pomeranian), one of your roomrnates is complaining of a dry cough, headaches and low grade fever. She says she has been feeling ill for several weeks. For a week she has taken (stolen) your penicillin from the medicine cabinet. Despite the penicillin, she is not feeling any better. Presuming she has a bacterial infection in her lungs, which one of the following organisms is the MOST likely cause of her symptoms?
A. Pneumocystis carnii
B. Aspergillus fumigatus
C. Streptococcus pyogenes
D. Mycoplasma pneumoniae
E. Cryptococcus neoformans

30. Your other roommate begins the Monday morning breakfast-table conversation with her complaints of having night sweats and a cough with the very unattractive feature of producing a bloody mucus material. She also says she has lost 15 pounds without even trying to lose weight! You continue loudly chewing your Captain Crunch cereal, but with a thoughtful look on your face, you suggest that she go to the health service to have which one of the following materials injected intradermally? (Please note your roommates have different diseases) [choose BEST answer]
A. lepromin
B. estrogen
C. tuberculin
D. mycoplasmin
E. testosterone

31. You also tell this same roommate that there is a possibility that the macrophages in her lungs have become fused together producing giant cells called:
A. Hansen’s cells
B. Welch’s whoppers
C. Favre fusophages
D. Calmette-Guerin cells
E. Langhan’s cells

32. You ask this roommate where she has traveled over the last several months. She says that besides going home to Osceola, Wisconsin (you are sympathetic, but this fact is not really relevant to the disease), she spent summers working in a homeless shelter in Hell’s Kitchen in New York City. On hearing this fact, you now break out in a sweat! You realize that if she has passed this pathogen onto you, it will likely cost you lots of money to be treated. It will involve possibly three different antibiotics over a six month period. The reason you will need to be treated with multiple drugs for the suspected pathogen, especially if it was acquired in New York City, is because it may have: (choose BEST answer).
A. numerous plasmid-encoded antibiotic degrading enzymes
B. an impermeable cell wall made up of chitin and cord factor
C. spontaneous mutations leading to multiple antibiotic resistance

33. You are thinking that you are completely surrounded by disease and life has become hopeless. So that night you decide to ask your boyfriend if you can move in with him. He is agreeable however, he quickly changes the subject to ask if you have had any discomfort while urinating or any kind of discharge. Your quick reply is “no, why have you?”. His answer is “uh... yes honey, I have”. Lets presume he does NOT have gonorrhea or a chlamydial infection. Of the organisms listed below, which one of the following is the MOST likely cause of his little problem?
A. Rickettsia prowaseki
B. Ureaplasma urealyticum
C. Mycobacterium avium-intracellulare
D. Rhizopus species
E. Blastomyces dermantidis

34. On second thought, moving in with this guy has suddenly lost all of its appeal. You start looking for a new apartment. Your current landlord says you can rent the old apartment above the garage provided you clean it up. He says that a back window has been broken for a couple of years and that a few pigeons may have been living in the space. You go to examine the rooms. You find a great deal of pigeon droppings on the floors and kitchen counters. You decide this is not worth the trouble because infectious diseases seem to follow you where ever you go. If you were to sweep up or handle the pigeon droppings, which of the following pathogens might you come in contact with?
A. Histoplasma capsulatum
B. Cryptococcus neoformans
C. Salmonella enterica serovar typhimurium
D. all of the above
E. none of the above

35. You are now an emotional wreck. You call your parents. They say its fine to quit school, leave that sin-ridden city of Madison and come home to Boscobel (provided they can get their tuition money back). Your Dad says he can get you a job working at your uncle’s garden supply store packaging spagnum moss. That does not appeal to you because besides being a loud and obnoxious guy, your uncle Buster has had these disgusting large open ulcers on his arms for the past several months. It suddenly occurs to you that based on what Dr. Welch has told you subcutaneous mycoses, there is a good chance that Uncle Buster’s ulcers are due to an infection by a species of:
A. Sporothrix
B. Microsporum
C. Epidermaphyton
D. Trichophyton
E. Pneurnocystis

and the one that took the cake...

37. Dr. XXX [the real name of our prof] has had which of the following diseases (it is a bonus question, everybody gets this one right)?
A. streptococcal pharyngitis
B. staphylococcal food poisoning
C. shigellosis
D. athelete’s feet
E. its a trick question, he’s had them all

2005-12-25T12:26:00.000+08:00

The triple filter test.

In ancient Greece, scholar and philosopher Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.

One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about one of your friends?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the man.

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and wanted to tell it to you." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary, it is bad."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really," replied the man, now more than a little embarrassed.

"Well," concluded Socrates, if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, and nor even useful to me, why tell it to me at all?"

2005-12-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

Snow please.

Less than 3 hours more to go. Christmas tree's up again after spending so many years hidden in the storeroom. New ornaments dangling, new lights flickering, my self-made christmas cards and very first batch of cookiemen. Huge stocking's hanging by the window waiting to be filled, the same way I dangled it up each christmas eve so long long time ago.

Oh well, merry christmas.

2005-12-20T22:58:00.000+08:00

I feel awful.

Spent the day in bed drifting in and out of sleep and trying to will the migraine away. Too much fun under the sun I think. Came home from ECP yesterday with fizzy vision (my usual prodromal symptom), and could barely manage my bath and an email to YC before heading for bed. Woke up in the wee hours, quite unable to bear the pain ,and very tempted to reach out for some painkillers. Not good to rely too much on them. Decided to sleep it away instead. Slept, woken up by nightmare, slept, woken up by nightmare, smsed YM to tell her I can't make it for badminton session, slept. And it was 5 pm when I finally got up. Read Robbins for the next hour before scooting out for tuition after dinner.

Everyone's somewhere else. YC's in Taiwan, HT's in Europe, ZY's in Nepal and Mr M's heading for Vietnam. My MSN list looks so empty; these days I don't even bother logging on. Daddy's too busy to obtain leave this month, so not even a short trip to Malaysia. =/ And now I'm sounding like some spoilt little kid.

I'm bored and weary and my head keeps hurting. And I really want a trip abroad because:

1. There is so so much to do in whatever little there is of a lifetime. Different cultures to experience, greater wonders to marvel over, more people to meet and immense knowledge to gain. I don't want to lie on my deathbed regretting not seeing enough of this world. The exact reason I hate being limited by anything other than will.

2. I feel stifled here. Everything's rigid and organised and uncreative and so.. out of a template. I keep getting lost in HDB estates where each building looks the exact replica of another. I miss the beautiful giant adverts shouting out from building walls and buskers lining the streets. In S'pore, vibrance and enthusiasm is somewhat muted. I feel zombiefied. Need a break to somewhere more dynamic to freshen up abit.

=( Everyone's too busy to bother about me. I feel so unloved.

Aiyahh.. but I still can't do anything about it.

2005-12-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

7 days to Christmas!

Woot!

Finally done with making and writing Christmas cards =) This year's batch is computer-generated so at least I managed to churn out much more than I did last year. And they're prettier too! Design work makes me happy! Aren't too pleased with the printing though. Colours turned out a tad duller than I expected, and the alignment of my printer wasn't the same as the one showing on my laptop screen. Spent hours standing by the printer to make sure that the paper goes in the correct way, and the image edges are nice and straight. I'm out of paper now, and am still short of about 5 cards. I doubt I have the time to rush them out and through the mail before Christmas though. Will be having an outing at ECP with anatomy groupmates tomorrow and then badminton with Wendy and YM on Tues. YC's back on Wed afternoon and I can't wait. Heh.. E-cards may just have to suffice. =/ I'll make my cards earlier next year. I promise!!

I love writing Christmas cards because I always end up taking stock of what happened in the year. How things have changed, how relationships have progressed, and maybe relive those little memorable events, like laughing over Mr Bay's silly analogies during lunch breaks. Some part of my Christmas greeting inevitably ends up sounding like a testimonial, what I find admirable in an individual and such. Critical comments I normally make are intentionally left out (Tis' the season of giving). Each message's carefully crafted out, a summary of what's happened over the year, and what I'm thankful for. I suppose that differentiates a sincere note from one of those commercial greetings that are churned out by the dozens.

And here's the design of my card, after much tweaking of the image! Hurhur.. Lovely!

2005-12-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

15 days to Christmas.

This christmas, I wanted to stroll down Orchard and breathe in the pretty sights. Visit decor after decor till the colours melt and blend and the dazzling lights hurt the eye. Listen to saccharine-sweet carols, then stop by somewhere for ice-cream and pretend it's snowing. I wanted to curl up somewhere warm and comfy and watch Love Actually again, again and again. And maybe go watch the sunrise somewhere early morning.

380 days to next christmas.

2005-11-04T00:16:00.000+08:00

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: pofun

2005-10-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

=(

Aiyee, I am so so irritable these days.

My maxillary sinuses hurt, and that dreadful headache simply refuses to subside. And over the past week, I've chasing after people to get stuff done, childcare centres to take up surveys and a certain tutor who has yet to turn up for classes. I can't quite submit the class funds cause not everyone's paid up, can't offer PBL feedback cause we haven't had session 4 yet and I quite dislike being pressured by the treasurer and the SME unit day after day. Then there's my counsellee who pulled out of the annual counsellors' dinner, and Mummy who refused to let me attend it. I've got to churn out 75 copies of the survey form and pass them to my urop mentor by Fri. PULSE's layout will also be due pretty soon, and CGs ought to be formed already.

Shouldn't be too much of a problem actually, except I've taken much to doing things as and when the mood arises, and so working with these tight deadlines isn't quite my cup of tea.

Eughh, time to grow up and assume responsibilities. I've got to start working on things I've procrastinated for too long.

2005-10-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

Long-Overdue

Here's a classy one from Medicamp.

2005-10-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

On hiatus.

Desperately in need of quality study time.
Check back in a month's time or so.

2005-10-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

This is an attempt to force the secret out of he who shall not be named.

It seems he who shall not be named has quite made up his mind not to let me in on his little secret. The last time I pressured him to reveal the names, he declined on the grounds of:

1. People who are attached are ya-yah. (to which I vehemently protest!!)
2. He didn't want to risk a mention about him and the issue on my blog.

And so, while letting me in on plans he so carefully conjures, he who shall not be named is adament not to let slip the identities of the two fair maidens. And it just gets more and more intriguing. Oh Romeo, where for art thou juliet?

So which girl got him to draw her a car?

2005-10-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

So much a guy can do to shield his ego.

Half a year later and he still harps on bygone days. Doesn't quite matter who was at fault now, does it?

QM's blog filled me in on the ongoings behind my back. And now I'm more amused than perturbed by his insinuations. So the heart-shattering "But I don't like you anymore" and the psuedo-gallant "It isn't your fault, it's mine" had progressed thus far.

So much for pledges of love when there was nothing within. Says pretty much of his character huh.

2005-10-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

they don't mean nothing

old fears die hard.

why is it still there.

why is it still there.

why hasn't it faded.

how much longer.

fade. fade. fade. fade. fade.

go away.

will be alright comes morning

2005-10-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

I've got to stop nibbling on them.

2 ulcers on the mucous region of my lower lip. And in such convenient positions for me to nibble on. Nibble nibble nibble.

2005-09-25T14:32:00.000+08:00

These days I take pleasure in simple things:

1. Seeing the bf in school

2. Drawing with my finger on misty window panes

3. Sitting upfront on upper deck of SBS buses

4. Hearing my delightful tutee update me on school life
"My classmate doesn't know what a green-eyed monster is. She said, 'The green-eyed monster is coming, run for your lives!!!!' "

5. Walking behind daddy and mummy on family outings, just to see them hand-in-hand

6. Bursting bubble wrap

7. Co-op shopping. Buying new stationery

8. Mr M berating me for spending on meals worthy of many many tau sa paus.
Of course lah, each pau only 35 cents!!

9. Listening to daddy and mummy complain about the other car that took over daddy's usual lot in the basement carpark

10. Adding on to Mr Bay's over-subscribed analogies

2005-09-25T12:08:00.000+08:00

In Retrospect.

As some of you probably know, I give tuition. So this morning while correcting errors in my tutee's sentence structure, she spoke of problems initiating a narrative piece of work.

And I was suddenly grateful for the proficiency I have now with languages, many thanks to the efforts of Daddy and Mummy.

Daddy instilled in me the passion for books, and the urge to write well. My gift at the tender age of 4 -- 3 picture books with each I pestered Daddy to read me each night. And at the end of it all, I could somewhat read them to myself as and when I felt like it. It followed then that I would receive books for my birthday each year, and more books during prize presentations. While classmates and friends muse over Barbie dolls and PollyPockets, I pored over books depicting life other than my own. Starting off with Ladybug books speaking of fairy tales, I gradually took to Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, Nancy Drew Series and then the likes of R.L Stine, Chirstopher Pike and Paul Jennings. Never ever BabySitters' Club and Sweet Valley High (Eughhhhh). Past primary school, I bought myself the classics -- Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Gone with the Wind...

Frequently, Daddy showed to me good pieces of writing. They shone in stark contrast in comparison to my mediocre pieces of work. And somehow it produced in me the urge to produce better and more intriguing writings. Eventually words flew pretty effortlessly with what I love -- description and narration. (HS thinks I write like Oscar Wilde sometimes. But no lah, I don't think so.) Yet I had little luck with expository and argumentative pieces, as proven by my dismal GP grade and the way the teacher condescendingly shakes her head each time she sees me. =( I suppose it doesn't matter now anyway.

Mummy took great pains in coaching me in Chinese, especially since I only came into contact with it in Primary One. Each night she sat patiently with me as I scribbled my xi2zhi4 -- an arduous task since I was either throwing tantrums or in tears. Progress was slow. So Mummy decided that she would not speak to me unless conversation's in Mandarin. And miraculously I did pretty well in Chinese, topping the standard for the said subject a couple of times in pri school and then getting some essays published during my sec school days. These days I converse with Mummy in Mandarin and the rest of the family members in English. Hurhur.

Quite quite unfortunately, I barely write these days. The literature I read's confined to Robbins and Katzung (medical textbooks) and the occasional medical journal for COFM or UROP. Sometimes I regret not taking Lit in sec sch (in all defiance to mummy who thinks lit absolutely necessary for the foundation of good eng). But in all, I am thankful for my ability to read and write reasonably. Heh. =)

2005-09-19T17:34:00.000+08:00

Prototypicality as beauty

Natiomaster.com

Besides biology and culture, there are other factors determining physical attractiveness. The more familiar a face seems, the more highly it is judged, an example of the mere exposure effect. It is seen that when many faces are combined into a composite image (through computer morphing), people find the resultant image as familiar and attractive, and even more beautiful than the faces that went into it. One interpretation is that this shows an inherent human preference for prototypicality. That is, the resultant face emerges with the salient features shared by most faces and hence becomes the prototype. The prototypical face and features is therefore perceived as symmetrical and familiar. This reveals an "underlying preference for the familiar and safe over the unfamiliar and potentially dangerous" (Berscheid and Reis, 1998). However, critics of this interpretation point out that compositing computer images also has the effect of removing skin blemishes such as scars and generally softens sharp facial features. The mere exposure effect is a psychological artifact well known to advertisers: people express undue liking for things merely because they are familiar with them. ... Prototypes or prototypical instances combine the most representative attributes of a category. ...

Classical conceptions of beauty are essentially a celebration of this prototypicality. It celebrates the extra-ordinary (from the latin root meaning over or extremely-ordinary) as the prototype or most beautiful. Prototypes or prototypical instances combine the most representative attributes of a category. ...

The phenotype of one's own mother during the early years of childhood becomes the basis for the perception of optimal body mass index (BMI). This shows the importance of prototypicality in the judgment of beauty, and also explains the emergence of similarity of the perception of attractiveness within a community or society, which shares a gene pool. Greg Flesch is a guitarist and musician, best known for his work with the rock bands Daniel Amos and The Swirling Eddies (credited as Gene Pool). Flesch also works in the Atmospheric Laser Spectroscopy Group at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, writing software for the groups tunable...

2005-09-18T12:30:00.000+08:00

Everything's so beautiful.

So yesterday night after dinner down Marina Bay, we strolled the bank of Singapore River. Pretty skyline across Sheares Bridge, lovely night breeze and the swishing sounds of gentle waves lapping the rocks. I was basking in your presence.

We sat in the dark, spoke of the people we knew, experiences past and present, and of lessons learnt. My fortress crumbled as I laid my heart bare, telling you what I never had courage to reveal to anyone else. I was so at ease with you.

It was almost an hour later when you popped the question. We made the pact incorporating each other into our lives. And there were two less lonely people in the world.

Last night, I rested my head on your shoulder. You said to me that you would remember this moment forever. How so very much I had wanted then to thank you for all that you did -- instilling in me that perfection isn't everything and cutting short my self-imposed misery. I thought my soul was long gone, yet miraculously you managed to revive it. There is so much love pulsating within. And so so much I want to give to you.

I'm glad we found each other =).

2005-09-18T11:35:00.000+08:00

A Photo Update

Tie, if only you could join us too! Enjoy the photos.

Cathleen's leaving for Nottingham come Tuesday morning and we had one final batch gathering. The girl as usual, was unceremoniously late. And Cynthia dawdled over lunch at Thai Express just so we could remain there till Cat arrives. Lunch was such a lovely affair especially since everyone was extremely high-spirited.

Wendy (in grey) fooling around.

Deep in conversaion. From left: Wendy, KahSuan, Jorin and Xinyi

Pretty girls Cynthia and Huiyi.

Cathleen arrives an hour late and almost immediately began gushing about Snow Wolf Lake.

Cat animatedly speaking of Jacky Cheung.

And me trying on Cat's poseur's shades/

5 of us: Jorin, Xinyi, Cat, Ivy and me
Everyone looks so pretty in this one!! =)

The final group photo. And ignore my pudginess here.
(Standing)From left: Me, Xinyi, Cat, Ivy, Cyn, Jorin
(Seated) From left: Huiyi, Kailyn, Wendy, KahSuan

We later trooped down to the mooncake fair at Taka. Hurhur.. I like the big lantern at the entrance.

Xinyi, Me, Cyn and Jorin.

2005-09-08T15:51:00.000+08:00

So I rightly predicted a response from guy-in-question, and was somewhat entertained by the tantalizing manner in which he fashioned his reply.

Very very intriguing. =)

2005-09-07T17:48:00.000+08:00

The little cartoon hearts are overflowing.

I've been unexpectedly hit by the love-bug. But I'm not too sure if guy-in-question knows. Mr M thinks he ought to have realised. But then again, not many are as sharp as Mr M.

I wonder if he knows about it.

And if he feels the same way.

Does he, does he?

2005-09-06T13:02:00.000+08:00

A quick update.

Been in such irony of emotions of late, alternating between moments of euphoria and and then of vexation. The reason, which has been revealed to some, will unfortunately not be divulged here.

Here's a quick update on life:

1. School is getting uber busy. We have 9am - 4pm days on the average, and I get home exhausted with an huge workload to complete. But I heart Patho and Immuno and MicroB and the psychotic lab tutor who terrorised me first prac lesson! Less time for iddling around, which makes me happy cause I tend to get depressed with too much time at hand. And the class committee is doing an awesome job this year, especially class rep Jeremy.

Camera-Shy Jeremy playing the guitar.

2. Will be trooping down to the University of Malaya (KL) this weekend to partake in a physio quiz. Oh the folly of the moment, what have I gotten myself into? Precious precious time burnt reviewing last year's work, and missing out on an early weekend (no school this Friday!). An enriching experience nevertheless, I hope!

3. Mr Bay has been crowned Analogy-Guru. After establishment of the Grape Theory, the great one has been busy concorting Chilli Laws and the Chocolate-Chilli Definition.

Bay-watch.

And Jing-watch.

4. Addendum to the Grape Analogy
Joey: I suppose the grapes on the other side are always greener.
Mr M.: There are many sour grapes around.
Erni: You don't know what grapes taste like. You've never had a good grape either.

5. Medfac has most unfortunately been slammed by Mr Sociology-honours-student. Many thanks to The ST for publicising the untruth of med students purchasing their clothes from pasar malams. And we are very very decently and reasonably dressed. Not the best-dressed faculty (I think this goes to the dentistry students), but I dare say not the worst either.

Our class at Operation Theatre, A Good History. And the best I could do to salvage a badly taken shot.

6. I've fallen so in love with the Butterfly Lovers' Concerto. The NUS symphonic orchestra did an awesome job for its stint at the University Cultural Hall. Their second performance at the Botanic Gardens was sorely lacking in emotions, though company was great!

Performance at the Botanic Gardens

Alright, bedtime. More updates another day.

2005-08-31T23:27:00.000+08:00

Happy! =D

2005-08-31T00:53:00.000+08:00

Filler item.

Monday after Dinner no Dance, Trusty and Chewbecca wreaked havoc midway through lec. And for once, COFM lectures became slightly tolerable.

The movie clip, courtesy of Yingen.

2005-08-28T00:11:00.000+08:00

The grape analogy.

I told Mr Bay last night that a boy-girl-relationship isn't that critical a part of life. He gave me this analogy.

That's because you had a sour grape. I haven't eaten grapes before, and I want to know how grapes taste like.

I squandered the next five minutes trying to curb my laughter.

2005-08-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

Practical idealism.

Janise L voiced the suggestion to do a Pride and Prejudice for class play the other day. And pretty ironically she rejected her idea in the exact same breath, muttering to herself that no male denizen in med is quite deserving of the role of dear Mr Darcy.

Today, YC and I had a small discussion on being swept off one's feet with love. I absolutely do not believe in love at first sight. I call that lust. YC doesn't like that term because of the negative connotation it carries, but why bother hiding from the truth? And who doesn't want to be left breathless by some utterly stunning individual, mere infatuation or not? But chances seem so depressingly slim. Sob.

YC's heralding of Steven Lim's website sparked off the conversation, though this part has been eliminated from the manuscript.
Excerpt as follows:

you said you love me you love me again but if you love me where have you been? says:
the thing about local men, they don't have the striking looks of the italians, no wit and humour like the british and they don't breathe romance like the french.

Yee! says:
hmmph. but i'm sure they (we?) have their redeeming factors too

Yee! says:
those qualities of which u mention are striking when u're talking about being swept off your feet with love

Yee! says:
not 20 years down the road

you said you love me you love me again but if you love me where have you been? says:
hurhur how many pple actually get swept off their feet with love

you said you love me you love me again but if you love me where have you been? says:
does it only happen in the movies?

Yee! says:
i don't think so. but that stage doesn't last in real life.

Yee! says:
though i'll like to experience it someday myself

Yee! says:
bu zai hu tian chang di jiu, zhi zai hu ceng jing yong you

you said you love me you love me again but if you love me where have you been? says:
the ceng jing yong you part hurts like hell

Yee! says:
but each subsequent one hurts less

Yee! says:
sometimes you'll look back in retrospect and feel quite stupid for being so upset over something like that in the first place

Makes sense huh.

And if you recall, something I wrote last Dec.

P/s: I like Joey's idea of little cartoon hearts! Scoot over to her blog if you haven't yet been there.

2005-08-20T03:05:00.000+08:00

Lecture-thought.

MC let slip today that our lecturer's the widow of Prof Alex Chao. And I sat marvelling at the sunny demanor and enthusiasm of the lady through the hour.

It's been two years, YC pointed out. Society expects her to move on, get on with life and not dwell on that episode.

Yet two years' but a fraction of time invested in the marriage. And a mere proportion of memories so dearly preserved. Sam formulated before that it requires 3 times the duration of a relationship to get over a breakup. But what if it is knowledge that he has ceased to exist, and an absolute redundancy of your concern for him? What if there are the kids to pacify, memories of old times retarding recovery, and the uncertainty of facing the future alone?

Coping with the situation is a feat by itself. But to continue with such sunshine disposition and ardor requires utmost strength and courage.

She's one strong woman.

2005-08-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

And something resonates within.

The way life's bittersweet like dark chocolate.

ZM forwarded this a couple of weeks back.

I dreamt I had an interview with God.

'So you would like to interview me?' God asked.
'If you have the time,' I said.
God smiled. 'My time is eternity.
What questions do you have in mind for me?'

'What surprises you most about humankind?'

'That they got bored with childhood,
they wished to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forgot the present,
such that they live in neither the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived.'

God's hand took mine and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
'As a parent, what are some of life's lessons
you want your children to learn?'

'To learn they cannot make anyone love them.
All they can dois to let themselves be loved.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
To learn to forgive by practising forgiveness
To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.
To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another,
but they must also forgive themselves.'

2005-08-14T16:00:00.000+08:00

Here's to Tie and KS

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. pofun
2. poff
3. fern

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. la maiden
2. plebeian
3. fernpolis

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. slender fingers
2. straight hair
3. small feet

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. complexion
2. small eyes
3. asymmetry

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. chinese
2. canto
3. elf ears

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being lousy
2. not finding eternal bliss
3. treading uncharted waters

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. doodling book
2. bed
3. jug of water on my desk

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. rg 203 class tee (i still fit!)
2. army green shorts
3. purple hairband

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Josh Groban
2. Michael Buble
3. Laura Pausini

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. piano man (billy joel)
2. if (bread)
3. superwoman (karen white)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. trust
2. wit and humour
3. tender loving care complete with loads of smooching and hugging

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. i am deranged
2. i like indian burfis
3. i'm in love with you

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. height
2. glasses (i like geeks!)
3. long eyelashes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. shopping
2. blog-surfing
3. photoshoppig

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. cuddle up in a comfy armchair with a icy coke and watch a nice foreign film
2. poke someone's nose
3. go for a nice long jog (time alone!)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. hotel management
2. financial analysis
3. marketing

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. india, nepal, tibet
2. new york
3. all of europe

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. ashley
2. karl
3. vivienne

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. love and be loved
2. set up a family
3. learn humility

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. am not stick-skinny
2. curt sms replies (if you actually get one)
3.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. more shopping
2. squealling
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES: (changed it fr. female)
1. richard gere
2. jude law
3. johnny depp

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. mengchon
2. mr m
3. gerald

2005-08-13T20:58:00.000+08:00

School isn't all that boring. Really.

And here's why.

Mourning over his lost bike
Rodney (almost in tears): My wife left with another man.

During path prac
Aishu: I am hungry. Do you have food?
Rodney: Eat me. (pause, looks at himself) I am fat.
Gregory: Aishu will turn into a foam cell.

On boring COFM lectures
Me: I slept through it all.
Minghann: Let's sleep together. Where do you sleep?

2005-08-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

First week of school

The excitement I get from school's gone. I mingle with the same crowd, yet we no longer bond over lunchtime jokes. No longer Monday dates with the cadevers, and no more overly-enthusiastic Mr M. Only some distastefully-done posters adorning the walls and a couple more abhorrently made-up faces.

And memories of trust misplaced.

2005-08-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

The colorgenics test

You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You are looking for something different. Your imagination has been working overtime and you are seeking adventure - and you'd like to share that adventure, the new experience, with someone like yourself: Imaginative, Enthusiastic and Sensitive.

Being emotionally inhibited you have no alternative at this time but to be a 'watcher' rather than a 'doer'. At this time you feel as if you are being forced to compromise and stand back. But this is not the true you. Deep down there is that warm 'open' you which is awaiting the moment to burst forth - maybe like the chrysalis which will soon become the butterfly.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them.

2005-08-09T17:25:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day!

and enjoy the holiday.

2005-08-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

Outta my window.

The building across the road looks ugly in the day. But I like the pretty lighting at night.

2005-08-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

Full Blood Count.

Platelet count is hoovering dangerously near the borderline mark. I don't want to be warded. =(

2005-07-28T17:31:00.000+08:00

Of schools new and old.

ZM and I made a trip to the RJ campus down Bishan.

And admist teh ping with Ms Chua and Mr Tan, the memories return to haunt.

What I so utterly miss, and what so absolutely unique an experience.

1. Running bare-footed to the water coolers by the volleyball courts. Clad in complete judo gear =)
2. Trains running through the backyard
3. LK's inane digs on the rest
4. Morning searches for my school badge
5. Daily intake of yong tau foo and soy bean milk
6. Curry puffs in lectures
7. Mctay, Mrs purplely
8. Staining my uniform in the chemistry lab
9. And destaining with more chemicals

I miss the old campus.

2005-07-23T22:53:00.000+08:00

Light is a many splendoured thing

Photoblog's up and running. =)

2005-07-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

The Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine

I used to love school for the people who made the place warm, and the work fulfilling.

Now I can't look upon them as how I did not too long ago.

Not with the bad blood and the contempt and the disregard. And the power struggles and the backstabbings and the fights for recognition.

2005-07-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

Today, I parted with

1. 3 inches of my hair, and in YM's words, am left with spiffy ponytail!!

2. Tangible memories of me and OY. Ticket stubs and such I had stashed away hoping for enough memories to fill a scrapbook one day. Desk and bookshelf finally cleared and clutter-free. Raring for year 2!!

2005-06-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

Time Tested Beauty Tips
A poem by by Sam Levenson
(A favourite peom of Audrey Hepburn.)

For attractive lips,
speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,
seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,
share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,
let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise,
walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone...

People, even more than things,
have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed ...

Never throw out anybody. Remember, if you ever need a
helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others".

2005-06-20T14:38:00.000+08:00

And of solitude

2005-06-20T14:29:00.000+08:00

By request of MC

Juxtapose with the photo of Mica Building beneath.

2005-06-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

Self-portrait (Unphotoshopped)

2005-06-20T00:26:00.000+08:00

Wheelock Place, Singapore

2005-06-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

Dessert in company of Huimin and her tumour at BIG O!

2005-06-18T03:00:00.000+08:00

Of romantic notions

This feels pathetic. 20 years of age and I am searching for eternal love, combing through the masses for that special someone. And I have yet to find him, the man who would adore me for both who I am and who he perceives me to be. He, whom I would love so very much this lifetime, the next, and the next. And the very same one I could forsake the world for.

I want to be swept off my feet, feel the passion burning within, and the spark that sets off the adrenaline overdrive. To taste sweet happiness lying in his arms counting the stars at night, and watch him smile as he indulges in the same saccharine beatitude. Fifty years down the road, he will take my hand as we stroll down beaches, each of us still basking in the other's company.

To love and be loved and intoxicated with happy memories of both of us even as I lie on my deathbed. I want to leave life hoping to love him again, the next lifetime, and the next and the next, for eternity.

I just don't think I'm deserving enough for a godsend thus delightful, the glass barrier I have to contend with to make love a reality.

2005-06-17T00:23:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-06-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

Shot of the day.

2005-06-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

My head's in the clouds.

I enjoy being with friends, lazing around and listening to ongoing banter without taking an active role. It allows me to people-watch, to be fascinated by the ways they express themselves or how their emotions manifest on their faces. I like laughing along with their little jokes, or the occasional snide they throw each other.

Little wonder then that I spent today joyfully. Met up with my Taiwan mates over tea at Delifrance where we went oohs and ahhs over the photos we took. Focus was over the oo-ah-jian shuai ge who ended up the butt of our jokes. Laughter's really the best medicine, especially with the lethal combination of Huimin and Xinyi.

Pretty boy cooking oyster omelette. And no, it isn't the focus when I took the photo.

Had dinner at Thai Express (Esplanade) in company of my RC yearmates. Spent 3 hrs catching up with the rest. Food wasn't particularly nice, but we celebrated the birthdays of the May babies. Choco-mint cake from Polar. And company was fantastic of course.

My head's in the clouds from all the gatherings. Whee~!~

From left, Cynthia, Huijun and me.

2005-06-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

Love Little India

Saturday saw me and Wendy in Little India, wandering down Buffalo Road in search of the beauty parlour Rupini's. It took us a long while to find the place, especially since we were caught up in Tekka Mall looking for film to load Wendy's slr. But it was well worth the while. Eyebrow threading at Rupini's was a novel experience, much less painful than expected with rather good results. Nice place that smells heavenly. Highly recommended! And expect to see loads of beautiful Indian patrons if you are heading down there. They make excellent eye candies. Heh.

We later headed for an early dinner down the street. Indian cuisine of course, though definitely not on par with Samy's curry at Dempsey (my all-time favourite!!). Wendy couldn't take the stench of the mutton, but the dish was fabulous nevertheless.

Indian cuisine for dinner! Extremely delicious and filling. Less than 10 bucks for both of us.

Wendy enjoying her food.

The rest of the evening was squandered exploring the area, snapping photographs as we went along. I do so adore strong vibrant colours! Flowers, bangles, sweets and saris all screaming for attention. Pretty things make me happy!

Indian sweets. I like the milk burfi.

Flowers. Strong contrasting colours. Oohlala!!!

And one of my favourite photos.

Pretty bangles on sale, at a steal too.

Street stall.

Tourists on the trishaw.

Got some nice shots at night, but I don't particularly appreciate the grainy effect of ISO400. Shan't bother posting them up here.

And my 2 favourite shots on this trip:

<

2005-05-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

How apt.

From the annotated budak

There is a certain irony in that interesting and healthy relationships can be built due to the fact that strong emotional ties are not invested in such affairs, whereas attachments that should be much more intimate suffer from the weight of intense and fragile feelings heaped upon a veneer of harmony and too fearful of discord.

2005-05-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

Is this me? Is it? Is it? But I see some truth.

http://www.novareinna.com/constellation/geminiself.html

Positive Traits: adaptable, versatile, intellectual, communicative, spontaneous, eloquent, youthful, lively, talkative, amusing, witty and logical.

Negative Traits: changeable, restless, inquisitive, inconsistent, superficial, cunning, nervous, tense and something of a gossip.

Likes: talking, novelty, variety, anything unusual and working on multiple projects at the same time.

Dislikes: being alone, being in a rut, mental inaction, conventional learning and feeling tied down.

2005-05-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: May 27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path.

Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate.

There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do.

This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative.

You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.

You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2005-04-28T17:36:00.000+08:00

On inertia

Inertia is an awfully dreadful entity. But if it is gotten rid of, I shall be invincible. Almost. Watch me grow stronger.

2005-04-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth

I am going to live like it's heaven on Earth.

2005-04-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

My apologies

I apologise for the string of melancholic posts. I tend to get moody at night when the activities of the day end. I'm alright really. Shall blog in the day when I'm in a more cheerful disposition.

2005-04-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

My un-named baby.

2005-04-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

Mindless Rambling

I am very bored. I could jolly well get down to reading or writing or doodling, occupy myself with things I used to enjoy doing. Except that a part of me screams for company. I don't want to be left alone, I don't want to be engulfed by the silence. I am afraid.

It shouldn't be a problem of course. The world is filled with wonderful people, all affable enough to douse me with heart-to-heart chats, warm hugs and sincere advice. Just that the pride in me demands I remain a social recluse. Because I still think that I am strong enough to handle things on my own. And because I know I need to survive even when the world lets me down.

J said a couple of days ago that time doesn't heal all wounds. It simply allows us to learn, cope and get on with life. And it came to light how I ended up the way I am these days. Scarring after scarring of events not forgotten but hidden away. Yet it isn't the hatred that is swallowing me, for I am not adequately hard-hearted to abhor. It is fear annihilating my soul.

What I wouldn't give to get back those days of childhood, when I could disrupt lessons just to scream across the class that someone is singing a song wrongly. Or when I had the guts to ask other kids at the KAP Mac's to be my friend. Those were the days when I only feared cats and statues. I told everyone I met about my dreams and aspirations. I was a perfectionist, and failure was an unknown concept.

Then things went downhill, mostly due to unmet expectations. There was a point of time when I couldn't bear looking into mirrors. I shunned being in photographs. Stopped smiling, stopped communicating with others. I wrote dark stories, composed music I never bothered to jot down and was termed morbid for my little idiosyncrasies.

Yet as J says, we learn to cope with time. It was a painstaking process, putting myself back into society again. Picking up the pieces, recultivating my confidence, making new acquaintances and mending my life so that the cracks weren't too significant. I grew more cheerful, even occasionally taking on a sunshine demeanor. I could argue my case in school, point out mistakes that the professors make, speak to absolute strangers.

I thought I had found myself again. No longer trembling, no longer frightened. I could go all out and secure the world. Or so I thought till certain recent events proved otherwise.

Am I not as strong as I think? I simply want my soul back. I don't want to walk around like a half-dead zombie. But I will try till I succeed.

2005-04-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

The breakup

And what hurts the most is knowing that I am just another someone in the crowd to him. Who doesn't want to be loved?

2005-04-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

My hols to-do list

1. UROP planning
2. Ubin cycling trip
3. Windsurfing course
4. Conversational Malay
5. Conversational Cantonese
6. Science centre trip
7. Holiday planning -- HK/Vietnam

2005-04-12T20:56:00.000+08:00

On la-brats and lab-rats

Mr M's nick on msn reads, "oh why haven't they called me to be their labrat".

And I pondered a moment over the term "labrat" while conversing with ZM over skype.
"What is a la-brat?", I asked.

"A what? Spell it.", ZM replied.

"L-A-B-R-A-T"

There was silence. Then hysterical laughter.
"Lab-Rat. Lab-Rat!!"

I think that explains why he's a Cambridge undergrad and I ain't. HHMMPHH!

2005-04-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

Post-exam Blues.

For some reason or another, I always end up depressed after the examinations. This time round though, retail theraphy did little alleviate the situation. And it doesn't help either that I can't seem to get through to anyone. I don't know, it hurts to know that I have to fix an appointment just to make a call, and then not get through for that matter. I am drowning in my own emotions after shutting everything out for the past month. I want to dig a hole in the ground and hide. Where is everyone when I need them?

2005-03-24T22:56:00.000+08:00

Officially a road menace.

Whee!

2005-03-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

Are you a perfectionist? But I am far from perfection.

2005-03-15T09:10:00.000+08:00

Non-Conformist.

I shall not accommodate the following trend of thought. No silly excuses. It is going to work out fine.

we spend years convincing ourselves we have a fixed idea of how Mr Right/Miss Perfect should be.
and when he/she does appear we then spend the next few moments that he/she isn't mr/miss what we're-looking-for.
we make silly excuses, superficial ones to tell ourselves it's never going to work out.
why?
because we never believe that we deserve the love of someone who we love.
because we always shortchange ourselves, telling ourselves we don't deserve such good fortune, such amazing good luck.
why?
because we were not made perfect and deny that someone so seemingly perfect could love us the way we are.
does it all make sense now?

2005-03-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

I think I just screwed my CAs. EUGHHHHHH!

2005-03-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

Depressed.

It's just me. Everytime things start picking up, I have to do something to mess myself up. Perhaps it is safer to keep myself entrapped within those self-built prison walls. How do I stike a balance between seeing the world and self-preservation?

2005-03-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

You are a New Age Girl!

You're bright, opinionated, and dedicated to changing the world.
Even if it's one hybrid car at a time, you do you part to make things better.
In fact, you may be so busy with your causes that you have little time for love.
Take an extra yoga class or two, and you just might meet New Age Guy!

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

2005-02-13T23:16:00.000+08:00

Downright Despicable

Pretty ironic that I gravitate towards certain people, fall for them, and then realize that I do not like them for who they are. I am only an imbecile canonizing the traits I know will make me a more perfect being.

2005-02-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

Letting whatever be

This Valentine,
1. I shall not fret about not having a date.
2. I will not grumble about not receiving flowers.
3. I shall not lament about being lonely.
Intead,
4. I shall take pride in not having to shop for gifts.
5. And not having to plan surprises.
5. I am going to laugh at guys who complain about the fortune they spend.
6. And sniggle secretly at friends whose other halves aren't doing enough.

I must forget about what it could have been and instead think of what it never was.
An extraordinary high dose of reality.

2005-02-03T18:44:00.000+08:00

A prelude -- PULSE

Inbreeding

University life is fertile ground for relationships. Students socialize with apparent ease, meet new people, find common interests and eventually embark on passionate rendezvous.

Unless, you are in the clinical years.

Isolated from the rest of the university, medical students require additional effort to pursue and maintain other friendships. But even that is doomed in later years as friends from other courses graduate and leave. So it is little wonder then that only 90% of male medical doctors and 75% of their female counterparts eventually get hitched, with 22% of the males and 50% of the females involved in dual-doctor marriages, and statistics still on the rise.

Dr Greg Skipper from the Alabama Physician Health Program has a point when he said that doctors are from Krypton. Studies have indicated that medical marriages are stable but chronically unhappy. This is because dual-doctor marriages face unique issues in addition to the many same stresses and strains of any other marriage.

For one, medics are often plagued by excess work and inadequate time. When both partners work long, demanding hours, it is easy to see how everyday life seems unimportant. And unless a compromise is reached, compulsive behavior places excessive demands on family life. "I've had to learn to make sacrifices, try and avoid going on too many `jollies' and conferences, and put my family first before saying `yes' to an increased workload.”, one consultant explains.

But males always have it easier when it comes to career compromising. Husbands choose their specialty without considering domestic concerns, train uninterrupted, and rarely move for their spouse's jobs. This means they spend more time training, work longer hours, take more call, and earn more money. However, contrast it with the female half. The biological fact of pregnancy coupled with societal child rearing practices means the women shoulder the bulk of career interruptions. And so women doctors have delayed careers. As a female doctor puts it, "I have had to reduce my hours and eventually change career path (to general practice). It is very difficult to maintain two `full-on' careers with children."

The degree of conflict and dissatisfaction is also heightened by the lack of time couples spend together. Telephone calls end up the bearers of unwelcomed news – emergencies and on-calls schedules. Unresolved problems have a domino effect and this fuels conflicts that may originally be petty.

Nevertheless, understanding and empathy for the stresses and pressures faced by the spouse at the workplace feature highly in a dual-doctor marriage. Physician-spouses understand on-calls, call-outs, and after-hours work. They understand the busy days that are sometimes out of control as well as the implications of mistakes in medicine. It is always useful to have a sounding board at home who is able to offer a second opinion on the job. Knowing you are not alone and having empathy for each other at difficult times helps a great deal.

Being in the same field also facilitates great discussions at the dinner table, encouraging knowledge exchange. Having a spouse proficient in medical jargon means there is no need to explain technical details. One is able to speak of his interest and work unrestrained, or grumble about the inefficacies of the medical system without a hitch. A more spontaneous conversation thus enhances the quality of what little time a couple can afford together.

More practically, a dual-doctor marriage offers a greater disposable income, and therefore a better standard of living.

So, dual-doctor marriages do work out if due attention is paid to time and compromise. Do think about the issue before betting your month’s pay against getting a physician spouse.

Yours truly.

2005-02-02T01:07:00.000+08:00

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

I think it works the other way round too.

2005-01-30T23:05:00.000+08:00

The reason behind.

It was an awkward hiatus after the closure. Each day I sat alone, wondering if I had made the right choice drawing the demarcation between past and present.

It'd been a smooth-sailing six months. Grades back up to standard, no more emotional upheavals, no longer the social hermit. More friends, new interests, greater independence. And a far-cry from the derelict I was previously.

Yet I am unsure if these are worthy meliorations, considering the expense at which they are achieved. It isn't me anymore, having to distance myself from my emotions just so I can stay focused. I don't cry because I no longer feel pain. I laugh, but there is no twinkle in my eyes. I lie through my teeth without winching. I can scale the highest mountains, transverse the widest oceans. There is no fear. I am a nice, friendly person now because few things actually matter.

Sometimes I wonder how things would be like should I still be the girl trying to regain her confidence. Struggling, crying, diffident, yet living just as whim and fancy dictates. Throwing tantrums, watching the sea, daydreaming about the future. Miserable. But ironically, truly happy.

And thus, the decision to renounce my blog. I apologize that I can no longer blog with my heart and soul. I have most probably lost them. I am not even sure if I still want memories of the past. But the archives make good reading and I'll probably leave them for the time being.

Nevertheless, I'm back to blogging. It'll probably never be as beautiful an experience as before. But ya, I'm back.

2005-01-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

Full blast withdrawal symptoms.

That's the end of blogging. Go find some other entertainment.

2004-12-17T13:49:00.000+08:00

I could be a thousand-and-one things. But it just had to be me.

If I were a month I would be December
If I were a day of the week I would be Friday
If I were a time of day I would be Dusk
If I were a planet I would be Vernus
If I were a sea animal I would be a Pufferfish
If I were a sin I would be Chocolates
If I were a direction I would be Going in Circles
If I were a liquid I would be a Teardrop
If I were a tree I would be a BaoBab
If I were a bird I would be an Eagle
If I were a tool I would be a Hammer
If I were a cake I would be a Tiramisu
If I were a flower I would be a Rose
If I were a kind of weather I would be a Storm
If I were a musical instrument, I would be the Saxophone
If I were an animal, I would be a Skunk
If I were a color, I would be Black
If I were an emotion, I would be Contentment
If I were a vegetable, I would be an Onion
If I were a song, I would be Fly me to the moon
If I were a book, I would be Gone With The Wind
If I were a place, I would be Morocco
If I were a taste, I would be Bittersweet
If I were a scent, I would be the Ocean
If I were a word, I would be Irony
If I were a body part I would be the Lips
If I were a facial expression I would be Oblivion
If I were a subject in school I would be History
If I were a cartoon character I would be Grumpy Dwarf
If I were a shape I would be a Snowflake
If I were a number I would be 9

2004-12-13T23:25:00.001+08:00

Photoshopping.

The first I've churned out in a long long time.

2004-12-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

Small dreams

I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out if medicine would show me the world the way I want. Not that I am regretting my choice. School is great fun. Classmates are easy to mingle with, occasional trips to the hospital are both thought-inspiring and motivational, and mugging has never easier. I doubt I've been happier or more out-spoken than I am these days. Yet sometimes I find myself yearning for more. Nothing wrong with that, apart from the fact that they'll never be found in the life of a medical personnel.

I knew the profession I wanted to take up for a very long time. But I had kept it under wraps, especially with my pathetic grades in school. Only a couple of times had I intentionally let slip that little secret, during which I never got much of any peer-encouragement. Too many people didn't believe I would make it through the selection process. Even I doubted myself. Henceforth it was a surprise when the verdict came. That, together with the disbelief the others tried hard to hide.

It was a dream come through, and the embarkment of several more great ones. It didn't seem adequate anymore, just being able to interact with the patients, or given the mandate to heal. There came the need to master the other dialects and languages, and the wish to be an outstanding physician.

So in the new excitment, the other smaller dreams faded away. Several times I toyed with the idea of going into hotel management should I fail in my quest to become a doctor. That would have entitled me the opportunity to meet people as they truely are. Not just ailing and frail and out-of-character patients on the hospital beds. Or I could venture into business and finance, bury myself in its dynamic nature and jet-set around the the world on business trips. Perhaps I would try out marketing, develop whatever creativity I possess, and design some beautiful adverts.

And now that the workload in school is slowly dwindling down, I find myself yearning for those dreams I have already decided to forsake. I still want to travel. I wish that medicine is more dynamic. I wonder if I'll be able to churn out beautiful things. But of course, I'll stick with the decision i made. I will make a good doctor.

2004-12-08T02:07:00.000+08:00

Food for thought.

I wonder if the others feel the same. But the male denizens in med fac make a rather characterless platter, much too bland and unenticing to the palate. For one, the general populace in question does not excel in the looks department. And the minute few who have fortunately been blessed with those deep-set eyes or that well-chiseled body do little with them to enhance their charm. Several times I have looked down those gaily-lit eyes of a certain someone as we embarked on our occassional yackety-yat, hoping to find that extraordinary spark that would set him apart from the rest of the insipid fare. But ah no. Every sentence he sprouted directed our colloquy towards whatever we learnt in school. Word after word of textbook material. Medical jokes. Medical quotes. Not an ounce of wit or humour to boot. And so the same goes for the rest of them. No doubt, there isn't a problem starting a conversation with any of the guys. They are all nice and affable and everything goes fairly easily, from making small talk with the guy queuing in front of me at library counter to laughing over lunch with my anatomy groupmates. But oh well, it doesn't seem likely that I'll find my Mr Darcy or Rhett Butler among their midst. No witty conversation, no subtle teasing, no romantic notions. Nothing to get my heart fluttering like when i read those romance novels. Not that med fac guys are utterly lousy. They just aren't tempting enough.

2004-12-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

'Tis the season to be jolly Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Christmas' just round the corner. And with bright lights, christmas trees and pretty decor hanging all around, it's just so jolly! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

2004-11-15T14:11:00.000+08:00

Battle of the dean's listers.

Time to buck up!

Date: Sun, 14 Nov 2004 23:09:24 +0800
From: "Kin-Chung Lee"
A modest proposition
Recently, the barrage of out-of-topic posts have come to my concern, as ithas come to mind that there are severe health effects related to such posts.Firstly, there are about 8 or so posts a day, of which about only 10% areuseful (apart from the supposedly theraputic jokes and mind teasers), and ofthe 90% of the other posts, only 10% of people read. (note 1) However, the90% of people are still forced to sift through all these frivolous emailsjust to find out serious stuff, like, what topics are tested for CA? Arethere notes to print? Is there a scandal between the girl sitting 2 rowsbehind of me, and that guy who I saw in the library the other day? Thiscauses immense strains to the human body, physiologically, biochemically,anatomically and strressmanagemently.The great amounts of mental stimulation from those brain teasers can causecontinuous depolarisation of your neurones, thus making them unable to fireanymore action potentials if your Na+/K+/ATPase pumps are not workingsufficiently hard enough.Thus, like A/P Lee Chee Wee says, your brain will become tired and you willhave to sleep more. In addition, these questions stimulates your sympatheticnervous system, causing numerous physiological effects such as decreased GITmotility, increased heart rate (and blood pressure, due to both increasedTPR and HR) and so on.Biochemically, you would be spending hours immobile in your chair figuringout which dogs to kill, so you will keep on eating and not exercising,causing an increased concentration of insulin, leading to increased uptakeof triglycerides by adiopse tissue, thus making you fat.In addition to spending hours figuring out if Snell or Moore dies(personally, I hope that Moore does, considering thetrichotillomania-inducing (note 2) verbosity of his text), students areforced to press the delete key numerous times to get rid of these pointlessemails.This puts stress on your flexor digitorum superficialis and profundus, andpossibly the lumbricals (for the motor-coordination challenged, or for thosewho pee on the delete key, if you remember the obscure jokes of ourprofessors), leading to repeatitive strain injury, due to friction oftendons and the sheath surrounding it, and even carpal tunnel syndrome ifyour tendons end up swelling up and compressing your median nerve. In thatcase, the process is self-limiting as you will no longer be able to doubleclick Outlook Express anyway.Stressmanagemently, we will spend stupid amounts of time sending stupidanswers to even stupider questions, thus making us neglect our revision, andthat would cause even more stress. Stress causes sympathetic stimulation,which has been covered earlier in this email.If you suffer from hypertension, make sure you get your blood pressurecontrolled, for your heart may hypertrophy, your vessels may developatherosclerosis and your abdominal aorta may develop an aneurysm! Rememberwhat Prof Chia Boon Lock mentioned about the dire consequences ofhypertension!Therefore, I hope you understand the horrors that the barrage of emails maybring upon us, and I suggest using alternative methods such as the Medsocforums to discuss such topics.Stick to yahoogroups only for critical,life-and-death information such as whether there is a scandal between thegirl sitting 2 rows behind of me, and that guy who I saw in the library theother day.Thank you.
K. C. Lee(1): K. C. Lee et. al. (2004) The effectiveness of emails on nus medyahoogroups(2) trichotillomania - comuplsive pulling out of one's hair (Dorland'sPocket Medical Dictionary 27th ed.)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 2004 02:21:37 +0000
From: "Larry Kang"
RE: A modest proposition
Whoops, sounds like a health warning to me...Geez, actually i think the recent posts do not post much of a threat, really...Let me explain:According to Henry Yu's notes, the neurons have to fire up to 500 times faster than usual (wow!) before it becomes fatigue (i.e. the K+ and Na+ concentrations on both sides of the membrane are too screwed up for depolarization to occur), so unless you are mugging 500 times harder than usual, which is probably not the case for most people, the brain will not be tired out as your Na+/K+ pumps at a normal rate and you won't exactly need to sleep more due to fatigue.Biochemically, I wouldn't spend more than an hr on the computer for anything at all at a times like that, so i would attribute this situation as a case of poor time management, not due to the brainteasers. Anyway, if solving the brainteasers actually stimulates the sympathetic nervous system as you stated earlier, wouldn't you eat less due to decreased GIT motility and burn more carbo by having a brain and heart which are the major energy consumers in your body? In this way, your ephinephrine will be able to counter the effects of increased insulin/glucagon levels, so you won't get fat so easily after all.Anatomically, Carpal Tunnel syndrome comes about due to typing in such a way that your wrists are resting on the edge of the keyboard, leading to compression of your median nerve and so on. I don't think that pressing the delete key with your index finger will cause damage to the entire digitorum superficialis and profundus and lumbricals. The worst that can happen is u get a trigger finger, which sounds pretty cool considering the number of pple out there cracking their knuckles for fun.Stressmanagemently, I think the questions are not so stupid either, considering that the dog question is used to test the thought processes of the final candidates of some scholarship interview.And once again, i stress that one should not spend hours in front of the computer on the questions. Its either you can solve it or you can't. To get seriously stressed over them would sound like an unhealthy obsession, in which a counsellor is needed.I believe this yahoo groups is a place for us M1s to share everything and anything under the sun. It is one of the few places, if not the only one for us to actually communicate with one another. To pose just the so called important stuff here will turn this into another MedNet. Its entirely up to an individual's choice of whether or not to read the mails. But to deprive others of a choice at all does not seem like a good decision to make.

2004-11-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

A Clarification

Mr M, a denial is never equivalent to a confession.

Today HT came to crash med-fac lectures and I acted as his guide for the morning. But no, we are not a couple whatsoever. I should think that taking a worthy friend around the campus for the day is a perfectly normal scenario. Thus why this fuss about the issue?

No, he's not my bf alright?

Case closed.

2004-11-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

A two-liner

All of a sudden, so many people are angry with me. What happened?

2004-11-10T01:44:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from Daniel Huang's blog:

kinda miss prof bay though, hope i get him for anat or something.. i think he's
a 45 year old version of me.. full of shit, and he still likes to make stupid
jokes. he told us over lunch that the girls used to hold meetings cos of him, to
kick him out of their group of friends cos he was too naughty.also cos of his
song wars with them. the girls would chant every morning during exercises " we
must, we must, we must, we must increase our bust. the boys depend on us."prof
told us that he used to scream back " your bust, your bust, your bust, your bust
will never last! they'll grow droopy and saggy and ugly and smelly no i wont
depend on you."

2004-10-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

Yet another couple.

AK 's in a relationship. It is heartwarming to know that he is finally basking in this love he never believed possible. Yet upon being taunted about a previous statement he once made, AK had stubbornly added he still did not believe in the existence of everlasting love.

In any case, AK had figured me out as the anonymous reader of his blog. But how he tried to make that fact obvious in his reply I still do not understand. He'll probably make an interesting person to analyse.

2004-10-24T01:03:00.000+08:00

Ultimate Mugging Plan

With regard to today's FA results, the ultimate mugging plan starts 24 Oct 2004. All that comes in my way shall be destroyed.

2004-10-18T01:54:00.000+08:00

I am absolutely brooding! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

2004-10-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

Eaten by the hiatus monster.

I've really got to start working harder, instead of wasting my weekends lazing around and doing absolutely nothing. With CB track FA and then CA1 looming ahead, loads of work has to be done.
And that means less blogging for the time-being. So now I've gotta boot the darn inertia and get back to work.

2004-10-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

Where art thou?

It is simple, that little part of life I've been secretly searching for. But whereforth is it?

2004-10-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

NeverNeverLand

We ain't kids anymore. Not even teenagers. Young adults, almost full-fledged. Wings ready to fly. New opportunities awaiting. New responsibilities entail.

But I'm not ready.

Can I say no?

2004-10-12T18:48:00.000+08:00

Pondering about life.

A decade ago, I wondered why most kids gave up learning the piano before they mastered the skill. I didn't understand how people could fail in what they set out to do unless they never made the effort. Six years ago I wanted to go mountaineering, scale those seemingly insurmountable peaks of the Himalayas. I jumped at every chance of rockclimbing. Four years ago I told myself I'd get a driving license, a flying license and a yatching license. I'd travel around the world, fly through the Grand Canyon and sail through the Mediterranean. Three years ago I was fervently trying to pick up Spanish. I wanted to visit Spain, breathe in the sights of Barcelona and taste the cuisine of Mexico. I wrote plays, tried out directing and composed songs I never wrote down. Two years ago I decided to try a new sport. For twenty months I bled and teared countless times on the dojo. That year, my GP teacher gave up on my work on the basis that it was in an unredeemable state. Every lesson of hers drove me to tears. Last year, I churned out 2 GP essays a day 2 months prior to A levels and managed an above-average grade that proved my teacher wrong. I later immensed myself in classics like the Count of Monte Cristo and Of Human Bondage. I also tried a pathetically unsuccessful attempt to capture the essence of humanity. The same year, my relationship with my sister made a turn for the worse, primarily because I was inadequately enthusiastic in helping her out with her schoolwork. My parents were naturally unpleased about it, but I maintain my stand that she has to solve her own problems. It is never too good to be overreliant on anyone else, although this mentality of thought could have jolly well stemmed from the fact that I struggled alone to get to where I am today. This year, as what others have been saying, I made an unexpected entry into medicine with my not-too-outstanding record. I have forged some friendships in the faculty but am particularly glad that none of them has yet to reach the depth which would render me in an uncomfortable state. Everyone hides behind his own facade. And I am reluctant to remove the mask I have so painstakingly craved to conceal whatever I don't want known. For odd reason, I have taken a step back from the activities I would otherwise love to try. I'd almost wanted to help out with Playhouse. To get back to writing scripts and having fun. But I held myself back nevertheless. To reveal too much of my inner self is too great a risk to take. To over-experience joy is a precursor to bottomless sorrow. I am too emotionally-charged to let myself loose to partake in all these vibrant activities like how I used to. For now, I simply seek solace in mugging. At the very least, I am in touch with reality and wouldn't lose myself in some fantasy I can't differentiate from reality.

I apologise for this incoherent rambling.

2004-10-12T01:06:00.000+08:00

Karma?

A strong sense of deja vu. Someone else showed the same thought process as AK. And quite coincidentally I chanced upon it the exact way as I did then. How is it possible for this cycle to repeat itself in a short span of three months? Why is there this other someone who shares the same sentiments and train of thought despite the apparent vast difference in personalities between them? I ain't going to do anything about it this time round. Shan't be moved, and shan't gravitiate towards him. I'll just mug and get my mind off everything else. Mugging's good for the soul. Nothing's better.

2004-10-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

Not a bimbo, not yet an intellectual.

" I'd rather have someone with a good heart than some good-looking idiot with no
brain, beacuse looks fade and I know that. I know that I'm not going to be
good-looking forever." -- Paris Hilton

2004-09-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

On The Mend

Alright, I shall not curse again, not use the "Fxck" word, no matter how many arseholes out there try to destroy my day. And I shall curb my net usage. Or maybe I should do it one at a time. Yeah, one at a time for now.

2004-09-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

Anatomy documentary

There is this relatively pretty girl in my anatomy group. Not the pageant sort of beauty. Just delicate features and flawless skin. And it is getting pretty obvious which of the guys in class are being smitten by her, the way they flock to her like bees to honey. Or should I say drones around a queen bee. I think I'll have fun watching the drones fan the hive and vie for their chance to serve the queen.

2004-09-25T01:58:00.000+08:00

Music to the senses.

ART

2004-09-25T01:14:00.000+08:00

Outcasted.

More evidence piling up to show what a lousy person I make. Utterly miserable.