Ximending,
25thMay 2005
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The Maiden
Medical undergraduate
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La Vie En RoseBy Louis Armstrong  |
Thursday, February 03, 2005
A prelude -- PULSE
Inbreeding University life is fertile ground for relationships. Students socialize with apparent ease, meet new people, find common interests and eventually embark on passionate rendezvous. Unless, you are in the clinical years. Isolated from the rest of the university, medical students require additional effort to pursue and maintain other friendships. But even that is doomed in later years as friends from other courses graduate and leave. So it is little wonder then that only 90% of male medical doctors and 75% of their female counterparts eventually get hitched, with 22% of the males and 50% of the females involved in dual-doctor marriages, and statistics still on the rise. Dr Greg Skipper from the Alabama Physician Health Program has a point when he said that doctors are from Krypton. Studies have indicated that medical marriages are stable but chronically unhappy. This is because dual-doctor marriages face unique issues in addition to the many same stresses and strains of any other marriage. For one, medics are often plagued by excess work and inadequate time. When both partners work long, demanding hours, it is easy to see how everyday life seems unimportant. And unless a compromise is reached, compulsive behavior places excessive demands on family life. "I've had to learn to make sacrifices, try and avoid going on too many `jollies' and conferences, and put my family first before saying `yes' to an increased workload.”, one consultant explains. But males always have it easier when it comes to career compromising. Husbands choose their specialty without considering domestic concerns, train uninterrupted, and rarely move for their spouse's jobs. This means they spend more time training, work longer hours, take more call, and earn more money. However, contrast it with the female half. The biological fact of pregnancy coupled with societal child rearing practices means the women shoulder the bulk of career interruptions. And so women doctors have delayed careers. As a female doctor puts it, "I have had to reduce my hours and eventually change career path (to general practice). It is very difficult to maintain two `full-on' careers with children." The degree of conflict and dissatisfaction is also heightened by the lack of time couples spend together. Telephone calls end up the bearers of unwelcomed news – emergencies and on-calls schedules. Unresolved problems have a domino effect and this fuels conflicts that may originally be petty. Nevertheless, understanding and empathy for the stresses and pressures faced by the spouse at the workplace feature highly in a dual-doctor marriage. Physician-spouses understand on-calls, call-outs, and after-hours work. They understand the busy days that are sometimes out of control as well as the implications of mistakes in medicine. It is always useful to have a sounding board at home who is able to offer a second opinion on the job. Knowing you are not alone and having empathy for each other at difficult times helps a great deal. Being in the same field also facilitates great discussions at the dinner table, encouraging knowledge exchange. Having a spouse proficient in medical jargon means there is no need to explain technical details. One is able to speak of his interest and work unrestrained, or grumble about the inefficacies of the medical system without a hitch. A more spontaneous conversation thus enhances the quality of what little time a couple can afford together. More practically, a dual-doctor marriage offers a greater disposable income, and therefore a better standard of living. So, dual-doctor marriages do work out if due attention is paid to time and compromise. Do think about the issue before betting your month’s pay against getting a physician spouse. Yours truly. The maiden spoke at 6:44 PM
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