Ximending,
25thMay 2005
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The Maiden
Medical undergraduate
Stubborn, whimsical and perpetually in a state of daydream.Loves and Desires
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La Vie En RoseBy Louis Armstrong  |
Sunday, January 30, 2005
The reason behind.
It was an awkward hiatus after the closure. Each day I sat alone, wondering if I had made the right choice drawing the demarcation between past and present. It'd been a smooth-sailing six months. Grades back up to standard, no more emotional upheavals, no longer the social hermit. More friends, new interests, greater independence. And a far-cry from the derelict I was previously. Yet I am unsure if these are worthy meliorations, considering the expense at which they are achieved. It isn't me anymore, having to distance myself from my emotions just so I can stay focused. I don't cry because I no longer feel pain. I laugh, but there is no twinkle in my eyes. I lie through my teeth without winching. I can scale the highest mountains, transverse the widest oceans. There is no fear. I am a nice, friendly person now because few things actually matter. Sometimes I wonder how things would be like should I still be the girl trying to regain her confidence. Struggling, crying, diffident, yet living just as whim and fancy dictates. Throwing tantrums, watching the sea, daydreaming about the future. Miserable. But ironically, truly happy. And thus, the decision to renounce my blog. I apologize that I can no longer blog with my heart and soul. I have most probably lost them. I am not even sure if I still want memories of the past. But the archives make good reading and I'll probably leave them for the time being. Nevertheless, I'm back to blogging. It'll probably never be as beautiful an experience as before. But ya, I'm back. The maiden spoke at 11:05 PM
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