Ximending,
25thMay 2005
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The Maiden
Medical undergraduate
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La Vie En RoseBy Louis Armstrong  |
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Pondering about life.
A decade ago, I wondered why most kids gave up learning the piano before they mastered the skill. I didn't understand how people could fail in what they set out to do unless they never made the effort. Six years ago I wanted to go mountaineering, scale those seemingly insurmountable peaks of the Himalayas. I jumped at every chance of rockclimbing. Four years ago I told myself I'd get a driving license, a flying license and a yatching license. I'd travel around the world, fly through the Grand Canyon and sail through the Mediterranean. Three years ago I was fervently trying to pick up Spanish. I wanted to visit Spain, breathe in the sights of Barcelona and taste the cuisine of Mexico. I wrote plays, tried out directing and composed songs I never wrote down. Two years ago I decided to try a new sport. For twenty months I bled and teared countless times on the dojo. That year, my GP teacher gave up on my work on the basis that it was in an unredeemable state. Every lesson of hers drove me to tears. Last year, I churned out 2 GP essays a day 2 months prior to A levels and managed an above-average grade that proved my teacher wrong. I later immensed myself in classics like the Count of Monte Cristo and Of Human Bondage. I also tried a pathetically unsuccessful attempt to capture the essence of humanity. The same year, my relationship with my sister made a turn for the worse, primarily because I was inadequately enthusiastic in helping her out with her schoolwork. My parents were naturally unpleased about it, but I maintain my stand that she has to solve her own problems. It is never too good to be overreliant on anyone else, although this mentality of thought could have jolly well stemmed from the fact that I struggled alone to get to where I am today. This year, as what others have been saying, I made an unexpected entry into medicine with my not-too-outstanding record. I have forged some friendships in the faculty but am particularly glad that none of them has yet to reach the depth which would render me in an uncomfortable state. Everyone hides behind his own facade. And I am reluctant to remove the mask I have so painstakingly craved to conceal whatever I don't want known. For odd reason, I have taken a step back from the activities I would otherwise love to try. I'd almost wanted to help out with Playhouse. To get back to writing scripts and having fun. But I held myself back nevertheless. To reveal too much of my inner self is too great a risk to take. To over-experience joy is a precursor to bottomless sorrow. I am too emotionally-charged to let myself loose to partake in all these vibrant activities like how I used to. For now, I simply seek solace in mugging. At the very least, I am in touch with reality and wouldn't lose myself in some fantasy I can't differentiate from reality. I apologise for this incoherent rambling. The maiden spoke at 6:48 PM
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