Ximending,
25thMay 2005
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The Maiden
Medical undergraduate
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La Vie En RoseBy Louis Armstrong  |
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Pleading Insanity
For some odd reason or another, I have taken to another wierd habit. Not to say that school has killed the drive in me, but these days I simply shy away from competition. Once upon a time I had welcomed the idea of pitting mental ability, skills and reflexes against the rest, and relished the estacy of the adenaline rush involved. Yet quite ironically, what's left now is just a certain nonchalence. I wonder what went wrong. I stood on the dojo the other day and felt nothing, a far cry from the thumping heart and fervor that I wrote about for my course entry test. Where previously I would have changed out into my gi and embarked on my bouts with great enthusiasm, I turned my back on the ongoing training that day. The mood to go all out just isn't there anymore. And I don't concentrate much on what I am doing these days. Time flies, yet I have no idea what happens in between the slots. Everything seems to be undergoing some uncomprehensible sort of degradation. I don't know what's going on or what has happened. I think I am living in a swirl of time. What do I do now that there is something I want ever so badly and I can't find strength to grasp it? It's slipping by my fingers. But I am tired, too tired to pose a threat to those who are out actively vying for their chance. (ya, sort of like the ugly stepsisters trying on the glass slipper). I don't know. Shall leave it to fate, or perhaps I'll just settle for something less. And I have this gut feeling that it'll be the latter. Oh well, hope I'll feel better soon. Gotta get myself composed. The maiden spoke at 1:40 AM
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