Ximending, Taipei
25thMay 2005
The Maiden
Medical undergraduate Stubborn, whimsical and perpetually in a state of daydream.

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La Vie En Rose
By Louis Armstrong




  
Thursday, May 06, 2004

On aging

I am growing old. My 19th birthday is due in 3 weeks. And it's been more than a decade since I last recited my nursury rhymes. Youth is passing much too quickly for my liking, that I find myself hoping desperately for time to come to a standstill each day.

I miss the past. On numerous occassions, I found myself dreaming of young me belting out the Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars in Daddy's car. Or the day I came running home to my parents with the invitation to the school's award ceremony. Or the day my teacher called to complain that I haven't been doing my work. Those were the good, happy days. There was nothing too great to conquer, nothing too fearful to overcome. Unhappiness only resulted from imperfect spelling scores, and all evaporated with a good night's sleep. Every morning marks the start of a brand new day, no worries at all.

Then things got different. It seems that these days I get myself hurt much much more easily. I probably cried more in the past couple of years than I did for the rest of my life. I spoke words that meant to hurt. The clear demarcations of right and wrong that I had so deeply believed in was no where in sight. And faith could no longer move mountains. I failed repeatedly in what I strived to achieve. The more I tried, the harder I fell, and the worse it felt.

But I do still love my life. At least I find comfort basking in my parents' affection and having breakfast with them on late Sunday mornings. I enjoy shopping with my friends, gossiping over long phone chats and giggling over stupid jokes. I like my current carefree little ways, no reponsibility owed to anyone whatsoever. I still relish the joy of the young, despite the emotional upheavals that come along with the youth package.

And yet time has passed so quickly, I am afraid, that one day soon I shall be coerced to leave the warmth of the home that I've grown so comfortable in. I do not know if I am able to handle the responsibilities of a full-fledged adult. I am unsure of how much my mentality has matured, but it probably isn't anywhere close to nineteen years of age. I dread the moment when I no longer have anyone to go running to after a tough day in society.

I am being childish by refusing to grow up. But if only time would stop. If only it could, I would stay contented being a child. I would stay a happy child.

The maiden spoke at 8:10 PM

 
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