Ximending,
25thMay 2005
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The Maiden
Medical undergraduate
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La Vie En RoseBy Louis Armstrong  |
Sunday, February 08, 2004
In tune with a certain appeal for more Singaporeans to adopt chimp-like traits, I am proud to announce the advent of a new species. Lest you have yet to be blessed with a sighting of the mobile gorilla, allow me to enlighten you on this subject.
Don't be mistaken. The mobile gorilla is a good gorilla. It contributes significantly to our economy and is as competent as you and I. In Mr Brown's terms, no one has to worry about it stuffing its fingers down it's arse and then sniffing at them. But you see, the problem only arises when this mutant species commutes to work. For one, this chimp exhibits a certain lack of trust in the local transport authorities. During peak hours, it clings on ever so tightly to 2 of the precious few overhead supports. And if depriving others of a decent form of support isn't enough, it juts its elbows out towards the other commuters. This act, is a major primordium of air pollution and an intolerable outrage of the personal space of other commuters. Of course, with the ease that this chimp exudes in baring its underarms, one is also misled about their appearances. You are probably thinking that the armpits of these creatures are smooth and soft like your buttcheeks. Hell no, they are about as hirsute as anyone who hasn't shaven in a century of centuries and if I were the President of the United States, I'll order a world-wide culling of the Mobile Gorillas. You know, they could very well be harbouring some WMDs. It's for the good of our world. But then, the culling of these chimps is just my fantasy. Our gahment says that good monkeys are good for the economy. I know they are good because they go to work. They do not bum around trying to steal my food. So I suppose I shan't have my say. Afterall, I am no one. Not the president of some renowned country, not even Osama Bin Laden. The only thing I can do presently, is to aid the growth of the economy. Tomorrow I shall go job-hunting. I'll look for one where I have to promote monkeys. We have lots of monkeys here, all top-breeds. Perhaps some country with no native monkeys will like to purchase them. It is, afterall, the year of the monkeys. The maiden spoke at 10:11 AM
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