Ximending,
25thMay 2005
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The Maiden
Medical undergraduate
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La Vie En RoseBy Louis Armstrong  |
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
I think I make an awfully childish person, acting like a little child out searching for love. I do silly little things, like tagging along when my parents make any trip out of the house and acting like a totally spoilt child. But it does make me feel good, to have my parents' attention all to myself, making belief that I am the daughter they dote on most. Then it's back to reality as I step back into the house. It is awful being the eldest, to give up all privilages and take on the responsibility of being an older sibling. It sucks when you notice your parents paying full attention to your younger sisters although you know they probably require it more than you. I dreaded the first day of school, when I was lonely and frightened, trying to find my way around the building. I cringe at the thought of how I got stiches on my big toe and had to change the dressing on my own each day. I was only seven, which I seriously think is much to young to be settling things like this on my own. It just doesn't seem fair, for me to suffer the way I did when both my sisters were basking in the warmth of the attention they are getting. I think it isn' t fair, trying to be understanding, attemptng my best to make my parents proud of me, yet in the end feeling so utterly neglected. There are times when I encounter parents who care so much for their children that I am compelled to force back tears that make their way out. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my parents. In fact, I think I am capable of anything just to make them happy, or perhaps just to gain a little more attention. I want to feel totally loved and adored, to have someone by my side as I battle obstacles, to have someone engulf me in a tight bear hug as I cry. I want to stop forcing back tears and appearing confident when I am shaken and terrified. I want someone to allay my fears and make a happy person. I feel the need for love. I don't care who it is, so long as he is able to commit himself to loving me. It doesn't have to last long. A second is enough to make me happy. Well, I do make an awfully childish person, don't I?
The maiden spoke at 1:06 AM
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